I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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