Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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