I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
