Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
