Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
