saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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