I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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