My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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