you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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