U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
