Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You have to summon your inner elephant
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
