Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
