I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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