can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
