meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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