AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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