I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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