a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
