I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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