yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
