Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
