Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
