looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
