I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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