eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
