My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The Olympian is in my bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
