Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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