omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
