if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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