i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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