We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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