I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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