I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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