I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
