Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
