worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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