I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
