giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
