Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
