That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
