he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
50% drunk capacity currently
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
