i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
