I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
