i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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