a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
