my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
