Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
