I want to make a zoo with you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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