You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I supernannyed him into submission
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
