Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
is it fun? or sober?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
