Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
