TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
